So I am now the mama of two.
Saying that feels surreal and I'm still getting used to it, while feeling so proud simultaneously.
Something that I have found in my baby rearing days is that there is such a split in the ideas of how much a baby should be held. This is strange to me. Who is ANYONE to say how much time a mother should spend holding her child?
I think many people feel they are doing you a favor, a service by giving you their advice on the matter.
Less than 6 weeks into my first journey as a mother I sat holding my baby, watching him sleep in complete awe that I created something so astonishingly perfect and beautiful (as so many new mothers do) only to be told "you should out him down, you'll make a rod for your own back!". It was a completely harmless and genuine comment coming from a good place, from my mother-in-law. She had 7 children, one of whom I thought highly enough of to marry and the others all lovely, good people so that warrants a heck of a lot of respect in my eyes.
I am not one to turn away any advice, I take it all on board and use what I feel appropriate to my own level of comfort.
At the time I laughed and agreed, said I was silly and that I know I should put him down before I create some clingy, horrible child that is unable to separate himself from his mother and once he's grown up our lives will resemble "Everybody Loves Raymond".
2 years on and I am much more confident in my own style of parenting and furthermore my abilities as a mother.
This is not to say I know everything, I'm all high and mighty and don't need or accept the advice of others. Completely the opposite. I am humble. I am down and dirty doing the same chores as other mothers. I still seek and accept any and all the advice I can get.
The difference?
I am confident enough to listen to all advice even if I don't take it all on board.
You use cloth nappies? Tell me all about them!
You think children respond to hugs not discipline? Explain why!
You say babies should be bathed in chocolate milk not water? I'm listening!
I want to know it all. I'm genuinely interested. It just doesn't mean I'm going to do what everyone else is doing or thinks is best. I might take a little bit of everything and come up with my own version. That's what makes me the best parent that I can be. I'm doing what is best for my family.
Having my second baby within 2 years of my first really made me realize how quickly those 2 years went. It made me realise that holding my babies is natural. That it won't ruin them for life. That they will still grow up, they will still become independent, learn to sleep through the night and they will one day be so grown that they won't even need me around anymore.
So I'm telling you now, if you are a new mother or about to be one. That you will never hold your baby enough. Because one day you will look back, remembering those times holding them and wishing they were still small enough for you to do so.
